The Lazy Gnome...

Dear Fans of The Land-O-Gnome,
I had all of these great plans to reorganize, write my paper, study for math, and catch up on sleep over Thanksgiving break. So, I went hunting with Tom instead. Shiooooot! I cannot wait for this semester to be over! Y'all prolly won't be hearing from me for a while. As soon as I get out of class today, I am going to lock myself in a little cave and get my study on. Unless you are PIB, Melissa, Judith, or Tom...I bid you all farewell and good luck with the rest of the semester (except for those that have royally pissed me off or have lost all contact with me in the last month or so).
xoxo,
~The Runt

P.S.~ I strongly recommend all of y'all (especially Mikey) to check out PIB's (Blinky Moments) memorial to Tinkerbell. R.I.P Tinky.

• People who play Christmas music before Thanksgiving
• People that think tetris is a stupid game (you just don't like it cuz you sucked at it when you were 12, and you still suck at it now)
• My imaginary boyfriend never having time to hang out with me
• Judith's boyfriend desperately needing a sex change
• The family of rats that roams around our backyard (in the middle of the friggin day)
• The animal that pissed in our kitchen cabinet (Mikey...if that was you im gonna take you to get neutered for a second time)
• Not being able to turn on the heater without the fire alarm going off
• school
• And...SQUIRRELS!

Relationships are like squirrels. At first they look all cute and cuddly, then maybe you let 'em get away with throwing a few acorns at you, and before you know it...You see the squirrel for what it really is: a cheap, ugly tree rat that would rather give you rabies than its trust and affection. Sure, maybe you have met a nice squirrel before. It was probably just putting on a show so that it could win a few crumbs from you. Chances are that "nice" squirrel will just breed to make more mean, ugly tree rats. VIVA LA RESISTANCE!

I concur with Melissa. I may never drink again.

So we all baught these really fancy paintball guns, and are waiting for the perfect opportunity to head down to the ranch to play an intense game of cowboys and Indians on the dunebuggies. Melissa and I wanna be the cowboys so that we can give the Indians our white man diseases....plus our guns are much more hightech than our oponents. If only stupid PIB and Mr. PIB could go with us... My weekends are filling up way too fast. Next weekend is Idlewild, then it's Thanksgiving...not to mention exams.
Other than that, I met the perfect guy the other day. Melissa and I went and kidnapped him from his dorm the other night and took him back to our cave. I'm kinda worried that our excitment may have perminantly scared him off.

When you find exactly what you're looking for, is it fate? And is it fate when you lose what you have found? Sometimes it seems that boys just don't know how to say goodbye...and girls just don't know when to let go. I guess that is why God gave us squirrels...so we could have something to blame when it's nobody's fault, and everything has gone wrong.

My roommate went out of town for the weekend. So once again, I was left home alone with Mikey. Out of all of the stupid things I could possibly think of to do, I decided to have a friend over to watch scary movies...which was fine until my friend had to go home. Every little noise made me jump, and, every time I walked around the corner, Mikey was waiting to suprise/ give me a heart attack. It was no wonder that the little amount of sleep I was able to get was packed with nightmares that had me waking up in a sweat afraid to fall back asleep.
I was a little shocked when my phone started ringing about a quarter to eight. It was PIB, wandering if I was gonna go on the "Nuts for Mutts" fun run to raise money for the SPCA. Personally, I think that anyone functioning in a peppy mood that early on a Saterday morning should be shot. I have never been a morning person, but PIB put me on this horrible guilt trip about how I had a responsibility as Dolly's owner to walk her in the fundraiser. She went on and on about how Dolly had been looking forward to this event all week, and how excited Dolly was, and that all of Dolly's friends were gonna be there, but that she was just gonna have to break it to her that, "I'm sorry Dolly, but your mother would rather sleep in this morning than walk you in this event." Geeze! Of course I got up and went to the fundraiser. I just wish that someone would have given me at least a 24 hour notice before calling me at the ass crack of dawn.
I was a little shocked at how little faith they had in me this morning. Right as I opened my door, Mr. PIB was standing there to make sure I wasn't gonna try to back out at the last minute. My eyes were still so tired that they were burning, and Gypsy licking me in the ear right as I got into the car did not improve my mood much...nor did PIB's singing of "You Are My Sunshine" for that matter.
Apparently there were several fundraiser walks going on today because at one point Grammy Pammy and I took a wrong turn and ended up walking a couple of blocks with a group trying to raise money for people with diabetes. That wasn't awkward...especially when Grammy Pammy turned to some (ahem) "larger" people and asked them why they weren't "strutting their mutt." Other than that, the walk was fun. I was actually really glad that I went...until the end of the race when the family started teasing me again about how they refer to me as "the family flake." I really felt like I deserved more credit for tolerating their behavior at the ridiculous morning hour, but I really was too tired to complain. If it wasn't for Dolly, I would never put up with such abuse.

Have you ever wanted to just climb aboard that J22 with your best friend, drop the main, pull the jib tight, and just see where the wind takes you? Find men when you're lonely, and toss them overboard into shark infested waters once you get tired of them? Have a cave of wonders with your own treasure? Attack people just to steal their food? Have a little turtle sitting on your shoulder named Mr. Pops? Sink Uncle Scoop's fat yacht (I mean..)? Kidnap ex bofriends to make them swab the deck? Don't you wanna just keep on sailing til you find that island without squirrels, where Trevors grow on trees (jk PIB)? I know I do!

PIB seemed pretty concerned about Melissa's comment about the "fried squirrel festival." Well, no need to worry (I think). I had this really weird dream the other night that went something like this:
I was going over to get my bike, and when I left, there were all these older women walking around with trays that had these shriveled up, hairless, baby hampster-looking things on them. One of the women came up to me and asked, "Would you like to try a fried squirrel?!?" I was horrified. I mean, who eats tree rats? She explained that it was the SMU Fried Squirrel Festival, and that everyone pitches in to round up all the squirrels to fry and eat. At that point, I got on my bike and started to pedal away as fast as I could. There were ditches of dead fried squirrels EVERYWHERE, and just as many Stepford wife-looking women walking around to serve them to people.
When I woke up, I really couldn't decide whether my dream was a nightmare or not. I mean, as gross as it was that people would actually want to eat something as gross as a disease infested squirrel, it was kinda cool that all the squirrels were gone.

Ever since I was little, I have had "issues" with squirrels. It all started at about age 4, when one had just been hit by a car and I ran over to help it. The little fucker BIT me! After that day, I would sit by the backyard window with my brother and a pellet gun, waiting for any unsuspecting rats with bushy tails to wander by.
About a month ago, I was out playing some lax when one of em threw an acorn at me. He was obviously trying to prepair for the long cold winter, but I took this as an initiative for war. I sat and watched as the lil bastard climbed down the tree with a large nut of some sort. I waited as he found the perfect spot to bury it. Then, I walked over and dug it up. I took his nut and walked away. It was awesome! REVENGE!