Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Answer to The Riddle
Someone has FINALLY answered the riddle!
Q) You are in a room with no doors and no windows. Inside the room is a mirror and a table. How do you escape?
A) Look into the mirror and see what you saw. Take the saw and cut the table in half. Two halves make a whole. Climb through the hole to escape.
(The person that answered this riddle would like eveyone to know that he is very cute and very single.)
Q) You are in a room with no doors and no windows. Inside the room is a mirror and a table. How do you escape?
A) Look into the mirror and see what you saw. Take the saw and cut the table in half. Two halves make a whole. Climb through the hole to escape.
(The person that answered this riddle would like eveyone to know that he is very cute and very single.)
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Valentine's Day
Here's an idea: let's create a holiday just for people with boyfriends/girlfriends! Oh wait...That's Valentine's Day: The biggest hit or miss day of the year! In my case, this day is almost ALWAYS a miss. I do not have a boyfriend, but why should that stop me from celebrating this day of love? Well, here are a few reasons why attempting to celebrate has added to my depression:
1) I realized that the flowers I received would last longer than most of my relationships
2) Dressing up and going to dinner with my roommate probably made everyone at the restraunt classify me as a lesbian
3) I still feel nautious 24 hours later from all of the cookies and candy I consumed while watching the Valentine's Day specials on TV
4) All of the cookies and candy I ate are most likely a factor in why I do not have a boyfriend
5) AND...After realizing these problems over a few glasses of wine I attempted to hit on a gay guy
So I would just like to thank everyone that is in a relationship for rubbing this holiday in the faces of all of the single people out there. We will be the ones handing you that pint of ice cream at the end of the day saying, "I told you so..."
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!
1) I realized that the flowers I received would last longer than most of my relationships
2) Dressing up and going to dinner with my roommate probably made everyone at the restraunt classify me as a lesbian
3) I still feel nautious 24 hours later from all of the cookies and candy I consumed while watching the Valentine's Day specials on TV
4) All of the cookies and candy I ate are most likely a factor in why I do not have a boyfriend
5) AND...After realizing these problems over a few glasses of wine I attempted to hit on a gay guy
So I would just like to thank everyone that is in a relationship for rubbing this holiday in the faces of all of the single people out there. We will be the ones handing you that pint of ice cream at the end of the day saying, "I told you so..."
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!
Monday, February 13, 2006
Finally! Answers That I Can Agree With!
HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
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Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
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Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
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Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
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Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
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Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
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Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
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Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!
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Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
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Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
Mass e-mails
I (like many people) receive mass e-mails from friends and family. Sometimes they are really good and worth reading, but 75% of the time they suck. For example, I recently received an e-mail with a riddle. Normally this type of e-mail would be moderately entertaining, but this particular e-mail DID NOT provide an answer to the riddle. If anyone knows the answer PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE reply!
You are in a room with no windows and no doors. Inside the room is a table and a mirror. How do you escape???
You are in a room with no windows and no doors. Inside the room is a table and a mirror. How do you escape???
