The Lazy Gnome...

Sometime early this morning, Mr. Pops passed away. He was found curled up with Charles, his plastic hippo, near the red bridge in his plastic paradise. His cause of death is unknown, but it is suspected that obesity and old age may have been significant factors.
Mr. Pops began his short life at a pet store in Birmingham, AL. He was purchased by one of my Kappa sisters and presented to me as a pet in September of 2004. He was an instant companion, making those lonely days I spent at Auburn more barable. He was a frequent traveler, going wherever I needed to go (even if it meant being shoved into my jean pockets while I snuck him through airport security). Mr. Pops was accepting of all things he came into contact with including Mikey the cat, who most likely wanted to eat him. He survived many unexpected disasters such as his "sun" exploding, and the great moss invasion (which was sadly caused by PIB's unwillingness to clean his cage when he was unfairly exiled from the SMU dorms).
He was a turtle, pet, and friend to all who were lucky enough to have known him. I know he is in a better, bigger habitat now.
A small service will be held later this afternoon. All are welcome to attend.

I never said that I don't like relationships because there is nothing quite like needing someone special to talk to, and be able to say everything you couldn't put into words with a hug or a kiss. I just said that the thing that sucks about relationships is that when they are over, even if you see that person everyday, you feel like you've lost something. Like you've lost a best friend even though you still can hang out with them. It is just never the same. You can't talk to them the same way...it's like a big game of pretend, especially if one of the people has to pretend not to have those strong feelings anymore. I saw my ex boyfriend the other day with his new girlfriend. He looked really happy, and it was really hard for me to pretend to be happy for him (like an out-of-body experience). I think the thing that crushed me the most about seeing him was knowing that he had moved on, that he was happier without me, and that he didn't look crazy (nor did the tragic-looking girl that he was with). PIB told me, "If the reason all your relationships have failed is because all those guys went 'crazy,' and the one thing that they all have in common is you...either you drove them crazy, or you labeled the wrong person in the relationship." I just wish that I could have figured these things out a lot earlier than 2am on a Friday.

Im leaving for Hawaii tomorrow, and I have decided NOT to come home. Life here is so miserable and predictable. I need an escape.

Well, I was out walking Dolly this morning when a navy SUV (that strongly resembled the one PIB drives) pulled into the driveway next to my apartment. Dolly got all excited and wiggly thinking that it was PIB coming to get her and take her back to her house. I was slightly offended by her excitment. I mean, she gets to see PIB all the time! She should have been sad at the idea of leaving me! After all, I have been letting her sleep in as long as she wants, taking her on nice walks, feeding her, filling her water bowl with Ozarka bottled water, and letting her watch animal planet all day long. I even went to the store to buy her beef-flavored dog bones. And what do I get in return?!? A dog with bad gas! She looked at that SUV as if trying to say, "Thank God! I've been rescued!" I was very disappointed. I told her, "BAD DOG!" then quickly walked her back to my apartment.

Dolly is the best dog in the whole wide world. I'm strongly considering having her stay with me year round at the apartment.

Some fool gave the Turd a poor little ginea pig for secret santa, and he doesn't want it. I feel so bad for the little ginea pig...all he wants is a warm, loving home for Christmas. It makes me sad to think of all of the pets that will be bought as presents this year that will be unwanted and abandoned, and it makes me just as sad to think of all the animals that won't have a "forever home" at all this Christmas. I really want to adopt this cute, lonely ginea pig, but Mikey the cat would surely try to eat him. Maybe I can keep him at PIB's house...Please?!?

A large bouquet of roses was delivered to my apartment today...addressed to ME! I feel pretty damn special! I might have to keep this Tom guy around for a while. I know y'all are all very jealous.