The Lazy Gnome...

These are the notes that I took today in my economics class. I thought they were worthy of posting:

Socialism:
You have 2 cows. The government takes both of them and sells the milk.

Communism:
You have 2 cows. The governments takes both of them and distributes the milk.

Marxism:
You have 2 cows. The government takes both of them and sells you one.

Nazism:
You have 2 cows. The government takes both of them and shoots you.

Beauracracy:
You have 2 cows. The government takes both of them, lets them die, and the milk goes to waste.

Capitalism:
You have 2 cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

This made my week:

"A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. When the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest buffalo at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

Similarly, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells, but (naturally) it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. So, regular intake of alcohol eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. This is why you feel smarter after a few drinks."

There is nothing quite like getting new neighbors. You never know what to expect. All summer long our neighbors to the right have been using our porch area as their personal trash can, our neighbors behind us have been writing us mock parking tickets and towing anyone they felt didn't belong, and our neighbors to the left ALWAYS walk outside right as my dog happens to be taking a huge shit in their yard. Since the trash problem was quickly becoming more and more...disgusting (no longer just beer cans and cig butts, but McDonald Happy Meals and milk shakes, I finally decided to write them a note that went something like:

Dear neighbors,
Please stop throwing your trash in our porch area every time you decide to have friends over. It is really rude!
Thanks!

24 hours later I got a positive response when 3 boys arrived at my door with roses. Now they invite us to all of their parties, but the trash problem has only gone down a little bit (I was sitting in my hammock the other night when I was almost killed by an old phone book that came flying over the fence...They were drunk, and I threw it back over and hit one of them in the head). We are great friends now.

Since my note was sort of effective in relieving neighbor tension, I decided to try a similar tactic with the neighbors behind us. So, the next time they left me a mean, "anonymous" note on my car with their sorority stationary, I left them a note in their mailbox that went something like:

We are all aware that the parking here sucks, but we are trying our best. Please stop putting fake parking tickets on our cars and trying to tow us. Thanks!

Apparently this was a HUGE mistake. You really don't wanna mess with SMU sophomore girls that think they are God's gift to the world. The next night I could not get a parking spot at all. They decided to have a party, and told their guests to just go ahead and park wherever... Melissa says that we should just burn their apartment down again (last year that apt. burned down) because it really freed up a lot of parking...I really did not know how to respond to this.

As for my neighbors to the left, they have a little animal that can hardly qualify as a dog that Dolly really likes to play with. Problem solved. They poop in the yard together and neither of us clean it up unless we see a park cities police car drive by.

It is too hot to go to school. Lucky for me I got all my classes narrowed down to two buildings that are only about two blocks from my apt. Finding the right classes in buildings that close in the afternoon took skills. I deserve a cookie, damnit!

Today is Deals's bday, and I'm taking her to the aquarium! There will be an update to this post...with photos!