Monday, October 24, 2005
Third Wheel
It's so awkward being the third wheel. It's not that I need a bf. Being single has taken a lot of stress and drama out of my life, and brought me closer to my friends. I don't ever want to be one of those people that's so dependent on their bf that they lose touch with the more important things; like friends and goals.
In a couple of days I will be 20 years old, and have come to the uncomfortable conclusion that I do not like myself. While always a passing phenomenon, usually related to my failure to achieve some tangential personal goal, the effect of these moments tends to ricochet about my life and the lives of those around me. It is very difficult to be yourself when you do not like yourself. These moments of discomfort with ourselves push us away from our center. The trouble with this is that no one is particularly good at being anyone but themselves, and trying to be someone else inevitably turns out to be far more unpleasant than whatever made you dislike yourself to begin with.
If I can't make myself happy, then no one else can...right? Well, I'm slowly discovering that caring for other people makes me feel better about myself. I love my friends, and those of you that really know me know that I would do just about anything for my friends. When I'm alone, getting out of bed in the moring is border-line impossible. This could explain why I have trouble functioning when im in a fight with a friend, or have just lost a friend over a break up. I obsess about it and can't focus on anything else. I balance myself on my friends, and they balance right back on me. Third wheel, tri-pod...whatever you want to call it, its hard to balance if you take any one person out of the equation. We are either in a relationship, or we are the third wheel in the relationship. Right now, I don't mind being that extra support.
In a couple of days I will be 20 years old, and have come to the uncomfortable conclusion that I do not like myself. While always a passing phenomenon, usually related to my failure to achieve some tangential personal goal, the effect of these moments tends to ricochet about my life and the lives of those around me. It is very difficult to be yourself when you do not like yourself. These moments of discomfort with ourselves push us away from our center. The trouble with this is that no one is particularly good at being anyone but themselves, and trying to be someone else inevitably turns out to be far more unpleasant than whatever made you dislike yourself to begin with.
If I can't make myself happy, then no one else can...right? Well, I'm slowly discovering that caring for other people makes me feel better about myself. I love my friends, and those of you that really know me know that I would do just about anything for my friends. When I'm alone, getting out of bed in the moring is border-line impossible. This could explain why I have trouble functioning when im in a fight with a friend, or have just lost a friend over a break up. I obsess about it and can't focus on anything else. I balance myself on my friends, and they balance right back on me. Third wheel, tri-pod...whatever you want to call it, its hard to balance if you take any one person out of the equation. We are either in a relationship, or we are the third wheel in the relationship. Right now, I don't mind being that extra support.
# posted by The Runt @ 1:54 PM 
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So, what you are saying is that you are also involved with Trevor. Sorta.
Ew.
Gypsy feels uncomfortable.
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Ew.
Gypsy feels uncomfortable.
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